Make It Better

The Writer

When things hurt, I revert back to my child self.  There's a part of me that wants the comfort of my mother and father.  "Can you please make it better and can you make the hurt go away?"  We know that our parents can make it better;  they always have.

The hardest thing as an adult in the age of mid-life discovery is that there's no one who can really make it "all better".  For most, our parents are gone and we have to console ourselves.  So how do we make it better?  How do we make the hurt go away?

If we observe life around us, we notice that over time things manage to work out.  It's a matter of letting go and learning to let go of the paralyzing fear.  There really is no hurt that we can't overcome.  Observe the hardships of others and you will learn from them.  

My father suffered from bouts of depression his whole life.  His body chemistry and genetic makeup simply worked against him at times.  Dad, however, learned to work through the nervous breakdowns and the anxiety.  Dad learned to make it better for himself.  He knew there was no turning back.  He knew that his family counted on him.  Dad did not succumb to his genetic makeup.  He chose to face life challenges head on.

Some of his experiences scarred me.  I didn't want to ever encounter failure.  I never wanted to make a wrong decision.  What if I failed?  What if I lost everything?  What if....what if?

Photography and computers have taught me a lot.  I recognize now that I will not break it, that I can fix it.  My mistakes in photography are really not mistakes.  They become R&D.  Mistakes potentially become masterpieces later in life.  We learn from them.  Ultimately we learn to self medicate by teaching ourselves that we are continuously learning.  The hurt will only last a short while.

No, I don't enjoy hurting anymore than you.  However, if I know that the hurt will go away and that mistakes are no more than my personal R&D; I've nothing to fear.  In time, I will make it go away and it will feel better.