Finally

Bird on Table

It just seems like I couldn't get myself in the creative place.  Nothing wanted to flow either visually or with my pen.  I felt as if I had nothing to say and nothing to share.  Sometimes there's an internal struggle between living and survival as if we have to choose.


The struggle is rather simple.  Do I devote all my energy to merely subsisting or do I allow myself the opportunity to just live?  It seems that when I focus on subsisting and making a traditional living there's no room left for living.  It's as if the pressure of subsisting consumes me and I have no time to create and feel alive.


There's a dark undertow constantly ebbing in my life.  An unwanted current that has accompanied me my whole life.  It pulls at me and and the undulation keeps me from creating.  It keeps me at times from simply being.  It exhausts me and drains me of my creativity.


Even though the day is grey today,  the clouds have rolled in and fall rains have come, I feel energized by my creativity.  Today, I can just be.  I will enjoy it all today and just take it all in.  My creativity is my sunshine on a cloudy day.  I am connected again with my companion and friend.