Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Journey's End

Longhorn in Meadow
If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.
George Burns

Emotions are powerful things.  They are cyclical as ocean waves and complete with under tows.  As I contemplate the end of my mother's journey, I find myself getting stronger and more capable of handling the details of grief and the reality of death.  I've always told people in my similar situation, that death is nothing more than rest for the weary.  Even now, I believe this is true.

My mother has lived an incredible fun life filled with fantastic memories, friends, fiestas, and fantastic family reunions and dinners.  Sorrow touched her life briefly with the loss of my brother Misael at an early age.  She and Dad recovered and somehow managed to stay together despite the guilt and grief of their loss.

A few years later, I was born.  My family and my extended family were elated that another son was born.  I always sensed the importance of my role within my family.  At some point in the future, it would fall on my shoulders to lead the clan.  That event is gradually happening right now.  I am reluctant to accept my charge, but I know that its my turn to lead and to be strong for my family.

Death is certain and like birth a part of life.  What happens between is called life.  My mother has had a tremendous life.  She has always wanted to live and she made all of her days count.  Now her body and mind are getting ready for her final trip.  I pray that we can make her as comfortable as possible.  I don't know if I am ready to let her go, but I do know that we, her children, do not want neither she nor my father to suffer.

There's a tremendous sense of reassurance that is flowing through my veins.  I feel a sense of composure and peace.  I am beginning to feel confident that I will be able to fill this role and give my family a final opportunity to remember Mom.  It may be a few days or it even might be a few months.  Regardless, all I care is that Mom be comfortable and leave on her terms.  She, after all, has lead a life that was always on her terms.

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